What a difference a little sleep makes. I wrote a couple of posts recently about bipolar and sleep and how important it is, especially for Manic Depressives (now called BP-1) and how the natural sleep aid melatonin may help some as the illness has erratic sleeping patterns as a primary symptom.
I even declared in one of the articles how my taking melatonin (3 mgs) regularily has been helping me get some restful sleep that then helps with fatigue from ME/CFS during the day.
So of course, yesterday fate conspired (in the form of a teenager) against me to disrupt my sleep (twice; at night and in the morning).
Whenceforth I woke up irritated and emotionally hostile, first refusing to drive my son to school (it was 6 a.m. and he was the one who woke me up) then caving though not without a fair amount of angry bitching and moaning plus ranting recap of how rudely I was awaken the evening prior.
To illustrate a bit more, I slammed a few doors the night before at around 11 p.m. too.
Someone had to pay for how awful I was feeling. For how tired I felt though in actuality did go to ‘sleep’ for 6 hours or so. It just was not restful sleep. Not deep enough to give me any relief from the chronic form of ME/CFS and bipolar I live with.
No Restful Sleep But Have to Get Up Anyways
And yet you have to get up and deal with the day anyways, at least I do as I am not one (thankfully) to stay in bed all day. I’m thankfully not in a bipolar depressive phase at the moment, so pretty functional and handling most stresses well.
You have to (like I did yesterday) get up and on with your day while trying to get a grip on yourself so your emotionally state doesn’t get pushed on to others who don’t deserve the wrath you feel – like our two faithful furry companions Buster and Tiger. Sorry for slamming the door, I know that makes you feel afraid and wonder if you’ve done anything wrong when you haven’t.
Both furry family members got extra hugs later in the afternoon.
Deep Sleep is Heaven
You just have to get through it, then hope the next night will be a catch-up night and give you some relief. Thankfully that is what happened. I am up at 4 a.m. writing this – but feel calm and relaxed, emotionally ok, not depressed and angry. I got some decent sleep last night.
Heaven. It’s like my brain gets to reboot and go back to normal functioning mode. Not back to a perfect state, as someone with BP-1 I am far from that reality. But functional and not causing me a lot of emotional grief like my previous nights lack of sleep did.
Will My Day Now Be Perfect?
Don’t I wish. But I will be able to take care of some of the tasks I need to get done, deal with some of the stress I have to deal with and get through the day probably fine.
Up at 3 a.m. is pretty early, I may crash a few hours after finishing this post but at least today is going to be a much more enjoyable day than yesterday.
More Articles on Bipolar Disorder:
View All Bipolar Disorder Blog Articles