Temporary depression of bipolar illness. I had a bad day last week. I wrote about the sleep side of it, and how getting quality sleep the next night put me back into a ‘feel good’ state… but I left out the bad day and being depressed and almost crying on the street part.
Almost crying, feeling that emotion and for absolutely no reason. Seriously, how messed up is that?
The Pain of Depression
What happend? Nothing. I just woke up without getting much rest, was irritated, angry and felt all-around awful. It’s a painful feeling. Depression is painful and my moods are very much connected to brain stuff that goes on during the nighty night times.
I need to research this issue more… will share what I learn later.
That day I had a doctor’s appointment at 10 a.m., had to go. I rested a few hours before. I was tired, woke up early as usual and didn’t feel like working on computer, didn’t push myself. I had my coffee, took a shower, got dressed. I even put on a little make-up.
Driving to the appointment I got a bit lost and had to park then get directions from some nice person who knew the area as I did not. It was a cool part of town, with some excellent stores I’d love to go back and spend time in. But I had to get to my appt. on time, I am rarely late.
So I am looking for the address, and asked someone for directions. When talking I realized I must come across as ‘sad’ etc. and look tired. I did not really feel sad, but my chemical state was f’d up due to lack of sleep the night before.
Yikes. I was almost crying… not visually and no tears but my emotions were OUT OF WHACK. Big time and for no real reason. That nasty no sleep night meant an emotional labile day. Such fun.
What’s a Temporary Depression?
An actual medical professional (doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist) would probably say ‘a temporary period of sadness’ or something rather than the term I concocted here: temporary depression.
Another term I will make up is “mini-depression”. It’s like that, being depressed for a short period of time for no real reason then having it let up. If it did not let up, it would turn into serious depression. Thank God that did not happen and all’s well.
For me that is what these illness episodes are like. I don’t feel sad necessarily as no sad event preceded the emotional state, but feel depressed. I am in a depressive physical chemical-emotional state.
Depression for me presents itself as fatigue (often painful fatigue), over-sensitivity (like all the nerves in my body are activated and bothering me for no good reason) and then huge guilt trip inside my brain as I am so:
1. Embarrassed that I am acting weird, showing signs of depression that are noticeable to others though there is no real reason to be feeling that way.
2. That I cannot control those feelings much… a little, and isolating myself cures the social aspect issue but the physical spell going on I normally have to wait out, let it work itself out, do what I can do (nap, chill, walk) and hope it ends quickly.
And it is very short-term. The mini-depressions usually last a day or two, then relent.
Can Depression be Temporary?
It can – I’m living proof – and with bipolar illness mood states can fluctuate outside the ‘norm’ that is normal for others. Like my ‘mini-depressions’.
An exception is if you are someone suffering from ‘chronic depression’ and possibly diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. These are clinical depressed states that usually push a person into treatment.
Depression is painful, and often includes suicidal thoughts and ideation – if you haven’t experienced this emotional state of being during your life… lucky you.
Most cases of ‘normal’ depression are temporary periods of sadness, adjustment, etc. Life is not perfect for anyone. Most deal with loss or disappointment at some point and get through it on their own. Someone living with a mood disorder experiences more of these emotional states and often times due to no outside stressors.
Like me and my mini-depressions.
Free use image of lady crying is from FreeDigitalPhotos.net.